Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Is Sex Necessary?


That’s a big question for writers today. There is no real answer, only opinions. So here’s mine.

No, it’s not and yes, it is. It depends. If you’re writing fiction that doesn’t center around a relationship that normally includes sex, then sex isn’t necessary. However, if you’re writing a story about two people who have a sexual relationship, whether healthy or abusive or whatever, and you don’t write sex scenes, you’re not being honest and your readers will know it.

It’s really about how you demonstrate the sex. I’ve seen it so well done that only the biggest prude in the world would blush. An example would be Dying to Know by Christina Carson. Her sex scenes are not explicit, but you know and understand the kind of sex her two characters experience. That’s what’s important. We don’t have to be included in the most intimate details of that experience, but we must acknowledge that they are having sex and what its nature is to understand more about them as people.

Why? Because people have sex. It’s part of everyday life. If the characters are in a relationship that would normally be sexual and they aren’t having sex, then we need to know why not. 

Of course, there are entire genres that don’t require and/or shouldn’t include sex. This is understood. It’s when a writer has story that should have sex in it and it becomes an uncomfortable task that the issue arises.  There is always the question in the author’s mind "Will people (my mother, my friends, my children) think less of me if I write this sex scene as I know it should go?"  In my opinion, you owe it to your readers to get beyond this. You absolutely must be true to the characters. Most of the people you’re worried about will surprise you anyway.

So, that’s my take on it. What’s yours?

19 comments:

  1. I agree Kathy. Sex, in the appropriate places in a book works. But when the sex scenes are put in the middle of a book, just for the sake of word count (yes, I've seen that done!) it doesn't work.
    Great post!

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  2. Thanks Shannon! By the way, your Zombie series is well done in the appropriate use of sex too. Your scenes were right on.

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  3. I never thought I'd be someone who was referenced for sex scenes. What would my mother say?? Thanks, Kathy. That was a delightful surprise.

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    1. I had to chuckle at that one! There's so much more to your writing, but I must admit I was struck by the tender sweetness of your characters' lovemaking. Made me fall a little in love with the guy (giving no secrets away here).

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    2. I chuckled, too. Thanks goes to you both!

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  4. Sex may be necessary for books. But page after page of gratuitous sex becomes boring. I think a writer should say the man and woman walked into the bedroom and closed the door. Let the reader's mind take over. The reader will make the sex better than if someone had written it.

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    1. Sorry, Caleb, I have to disagree. There needs to be a little more than that - at least for a female reader. At the minimum there needs to be a build up prior so that we know what kind of sex they have. It tells a lot about the characters whether it's wild or sweet or both. For a woman, sex is as much in the head as anywhere else, so knowing what's in their heads is imperative.

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  5. Kathy,

    Any chance I can repost this on DigitalBookToday.com with a link to your blog and a book of your choice?

    Don't usually do post concerning writing for our readers, but you know the old motto - sex sells.

    Shoot me an email at anthonywessel@hotmail.com

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  6. Is sex necessary? It's always necessary sometimes.

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    1. You said the same thing I said without as many words!

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  7. There are ways to give the reader an elevated heartbeat when characters engage in intimate acts without becoming graphic. Christina's writing is a great example. It's what writers do. Nothing worse than some horny man or woman running around trying to save the world!

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  8. You're right! It's part of life and if you try to avoid it in your writing, it might look artificial or incomplete.

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  9. Nothing is a more passionate experience than sex as an expression of love. Of course, there are different, darker, and sweeter aspects of sex, but it all depends on what the character is like. Unless you're writing explicit erotica, it's always a challenge to paint a picture of passion and touch all the senses engaged in the experience. Sometimes a subtle, emotional description of a love scene that ends up in sex may send the reader screaming for their mate

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    1. I absolutely agree, Javier! Comparing that kind of scene to one that is...oh, let's say "mechanical" tells you so much about the couple and what they feel for each other. Thanks for your input.

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  10. I agree Kathy, I think if the characters are doing it, we need to know they're doing it! I actually blogged about this just a few days ago as I'm debating the issue with myself for my current novel.

    Yup, I'm gonna be one of those people

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    1. Yup - even in family dramas, it's good to know how things are between Mom and Pop. It's cool that you're thinking about it ahead of time.

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