Saturday, March 31, 2012

Solitary Confinement

You know those films where the innocent prisoner is condemned to solitary confinement? There’s a part of me that has always thought, Really? That wouldn’t be so bad if they let have paper and pencils.

Of course, I’m fully aware it’s a horrible punishment in reality, but the desire to hole up by myself for long periods of time has always appealed; or perhaps indulge in enforced silence, like practiced in monasteries and convents. Again, this fantasy only works for me if I’ve been given a means to write.

In effect, I’ve created that environment for myself, except that I can escape at will. I excitedly bought an RV, moved out of a three bedroom house, sold all the stuff I’d accumulated over many years, traveled to Sacramento from Phoenix, found a tiny mobile home park and settled in. That was four years ago.

I don’t have a television by choice. I do have a radio, which I listen to incessantly and a personal DVD player for the legions of DVDs I borrow from the library. The rest of my isolated existence is spent reading and writing.

And this from a woman who is an acknowledged “people person” and practicing extrovert. The thing is that while I love people; it is primarily in short stints. I like connecting in a personal interview. The best part of being a cab driver for a year was the short, intense relationships that cropped up as I drove my fare from a home or hotel to the airport. It was just enough time to spark some fascinating conversations.

At a party or family gathering, I’m only good for about two hours. Then I begin to yearn for solitude and quiet. Now, in the third act of my life, I am engaged in peaceful contemplation and relating the stories that have been rolling around in my head for lo these many years.

My soul is grateful for my self-imposed solitary endeavors.

14 comments:

  1. Solitary confinement, depending on the prison, sometimes brings to mind writer's retreats. No phone, no Internet, they make the food for you.

    Three are times I just need to be away from people. I haven't yet visited prison, though!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL - well, that may be going too far! My sister just went on a silent retreat for two days. She's got three kids, two dogs, a cat, a bird, oh, and a police officer husband. Her life is chaos and she really needed that retreat. I felt a little bad being jealous of it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Solitary confinement does have its benefits. I have to have at least one day a weekend to myself. The time to detox prepares me for whatever comes next.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you mean about detoxing - that's what it feels like for me, too.

      Delete
  4. Sounds like heaven to me! What I wouldn't give!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really think a month in place like monastery would be wonderful.

      Delete
  5. Wow, Kathy, I had no idea we were so alike!! Maybe it's a writerly thing :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do think the need to have quiet time by ourselves is very writerly. I don't know about you, but I have many friends and family who don't really get it, though.

      Delete
  6. The life you describe is far from "solitary confinement." You still have many stimuli in your life: music, radio, and the multitudinous sights from your RV windows. Strip away all that as well as human companionship and you still have not approached solitary. You only attain that when all is stripped away without your consent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps you missed this phrase in my post "Of course, I’m fully aware it’s a horrible punishment in reality"

      Delete
  7. We're so stuffed together these days that any sort of solitary experience feels like a blessing. I understand, Kathy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So much of my life was happily taken up with raising children, caring for and loving my late husband. Now that I am alone, it is an oddly welcome time. Currently, I'm also on a hiatus from working (the day job) and that's even more isolating. I'm actually embracing and enjoying it, digging into that writer's place that was always waiting for me.

      Delete
  8. I'm a recluse, but it takes practice. I've gotten so good at it I think my wife is one as well. I see a day in the future when we must return to the world but I worry if we'll know how to act, lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This made me chuckle again, because as I said above, I'm not working right now - out of the corporate world. I'm a bit worried about what will happen when I return to it.

      Delete